Have you ever found someone's secret and been shocked?

These past couple of days, I have been rememberng some really unbelievable situations I've been in. 

Many years ago, I was dating a guy.  I had just come out of a relationship that lasted close to 4 years.  He had been trying to meet me for some time.  (He knew my sister.)  He was about 7 years older than me.  (Yeah, you would think he was mature...)  I was still vulnerable.  Perhaps this is why things happened the way they did..  I was very busy.  I was in college full time, worked full time in a bank as a supervisor, worked part time at The Gap and worked occasionally on some print, commercials and extra work.  I was also involved in a singing group and we met regualrly for vocal training and choreography. 

He was in the music industry.  He spent many hours in the studio, at performances with his artists, promotional gigs and more.  We started spending a lot of time together, just hanging out.  He quickly vowed to make me fall in love with him.  I found that to be an arrogant goal.  This is what really made the bond. During the time we were hanging out, his best friend died.  Now I don't remember if he was murdered or died in the line of duty.  I believe he was a detective.  I was there for him during his mourning.  As many of you know, when you help someone through a traumatic experience...it brings one closer.  I believe this is we fell in love. 

I'm sure you're wondering where I'm going with this. 

His friend's wake was unusual.  I was by his side, along with his buddies.  I brought my friend with me for support.  We were both hungry, since we had left work and gone straight to the funeral home.  As we walked out, we saw a girl that I had attended high school with.  She gave me a strange look.  I wasn't friendly with her at HS, so I kept walking out.  As she entered, there were hushes and whispers followed by glances in our (my best friend and I) direction. 

Months later, things started going down hill.  He was erratic.  He would call at weird hours.  He couldn't recover from his friend's loss.  I knew something was wrong.  I couldn't pinpoint it.  There was one event that made me uncomfortable.  There was one particular weekend weeks before, that I couldn't find him.  He wasn't at any of the clubs or at his apartment.  He hadn't answered his pager, car phone, business phone or home phone.  After that weekend, I never had that problem again.  When I confronted him, he said he was going through stuff.  Since he was dealing with his friend's death, it kind of made sense.  Or did it?  It still bothered me.  It just didn't feel right.

The next change was even more bizarre.  He was becoming possessive and jealous.  I was beginning to feel suffocated.  I couldn't figure him out. 

Secrets.  Somtimes when you get involved in a situation, it is with one intention.  The problem is that there may be unresolved issues, dark secrets or past actions that can snowball into an avalanche of problems.  Deal with the issues.  Don't try to have your cake and eat it too.  It will backfire.

During a beautiful day, I was walking through the spring garden close to my home.  I bumped into his "friend".  He had always made it clear that he wanted to date me, but I ignored his advances.  Perhaps his intentions were malicious in some people's eyes.  Til this day, I'm thankful for his honesty. 

"I think you need to know, where he was that weekend."

I braced myself.  I didn't know what I was going to hear, but with an introduction like that..it knew it was going to be big.

"You couldn't find him, because he was getting married."

What?

I would have never guessed.

Why was that the farthest thing from my mind?  Here's why:

1.  He had his own apartment.

2.  I had met his close friends. (He didn't have family here.  He was raised by his grandmother, she had passed away.)

3.  I often accompanied him to his work related activities.

4.  I had his home number, business number, pager and car phone number with access at any time (except for that weekend).

Shocked, I didn't say anything.  When he called me, he asked if I would marry him.  He claimed to have bought me a ring.  I ended our relationship.  What followed was a stalker's story.  Now, I doubt that his friend had told him he confessed to me.  He would have beat his but.  I didn't want to discuss the details.  He lied and that's all there was to it. 

Years later, I bumped into him.  He wanted to explain the situation.  I let him, but it didn't make anything ok.  Long story short, he was sleeping with a girl.  She got pregnant and her father made them have a shot gun wedding.  They were divorced shortly after and she doesn't let him see their daughter.  That's horrible for the child, she's actually about 17/18 now. 

The part I hate the most about this part of my life is that I was dating a married man...  Had I known about his relationship, I wouldn't have given him the time of day.  Why would someone do something like this to a human being?  His bad choices effected many lives.

Before you do something that you know is wrong, think about the repercussions.  Your actions effect more lives than just YOURS.